January 28

I never thought that I would have such mixed feelings about my life, my self and everything going on at this time. The view out my window is beautiful...mountains and hillsides. We are about 1,000 ft. higher than Denver and it really is a site from the Fortner's home.

Last night we went Hyena watching...lots of laughs and fun looking for little green eyes...we did spot some.

My feelings...I don't even like to touch them right now...(I know it's a mixture of sickness, worry, and missing Darren and home). This is not even what I expected it would be like. I guess I thought...”Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows...” you know how the song goes. Instead I've been recovering from being sick...and am worried because Corbin has not felt great and praying he or Lauren does not get sick. I feel like the “hand wipes” patrol...but, I'm so concerned about health. Sigh. Missionaries do this all the time and bring their children. Would I cut it moving here? Possibly if Darren was here...okay here are the tears again.

I never thought I would miss him so much. It's stressful with him not here...it's stressful with going to visit the boys...G got so sad when we had to leave and hours at the Thome w/out anyone who speaks English and eyes on us just seems so weird. It's like visiting your kids at a detention center or something where they aren't allowed to leave. Sigh again.

So, today...I decided to stay “home”...oh, how I miss my home. Don't get me wrong. Blake and Meagan's house is WONDERFUL and they are super great and fun! But, it's not home...it's not all of us together under one roof. I'm gonna' work on taking this all day by day...I know one day this will just be something we are talking about and it will be but a distant memory. Right now...it's a bit tough.

I just don't like the feelings creeping in about, “Have we made the right decision?”. It was God's calling and God's decision and so I know it's right. These boys need a home, our home...and God chose us before I was even in my mother's womb. I know once we are under one roof and in our home...it will feel right. Right now it's all a bit scary, a lot different, and overwhelming.

God never said that the path He chooses will be easy. I can't imagine how Paul felt being in prisons over and over and He still praised His Savior. I want to praise my Lord as well and I'm gonna! I have to snap out of it and toughen up! I have to count it all joy and remember to enjoy the journey and not stress!!!

The Evening: Things are looking up...I'm sure it will be a roller coaster. What a fun night! We played hands down and enjoyed the evening together. We also got to skype Darren on his cell phone and talk to him...J O Y!!!