4/18/2010...It seems that everything I hear lately relates to this whole crazy thing we are pursuing. And as we studied in the book of Mark today and talked about being willing to "give up all our riches" and follow God I have to say that I'm a bit overwhelmed. My heart is full...I "get it". If we are not willing to forgo things of this privileged life we live and do what God has called us to do...then we are just "doing life"...not living life.
It doesn't mean that we will be asked to "give it all up"...but, it means that we should be completely willing to do so if asked. I know that I have prayed for years and told God that I am willing to go and serve as missionaries if we are ever asked. I will give it all up to follow what God wants. That's what it's all about...a willing heart.
I have learned a lot through the process of pursuing a new home. It seemed home after home we found...something kept us from getting each house. But, we kept after the process, (with light talk for years of adopting). With this last house situation I truly believe that God allowed us to be taken as far as packing up our entire house for us to see that He is in control, and when we pray, "If this house is not meant to be, take it away." That doesn't necessarily mean, "Take it away and we'll just find another one." It in my heart meant that moving was not what was meant to be...and our Lord finally got that point across with taking us through the process of packing and then having to unpack for us to say, "We're not doing this again."...lol! When we prayed that if putting in a pool was not meant to be then take it away. And all of a sudden in the last days of the process it was taken away by our neighbor changing his mind for us to go through his yard...there was a reason. What? What could have been the reason?
I believe that reason was that God was asking us to give up the "stuff". The fancy house, the fancy pool, etc. He was preparing our hearts for this journey. He was keeping that cash for us in His hands so we could have it to adopt a child or children that He loves and wants to be given a chance at life. That He wants them to be taught about eternity, (church this morning was so good). We have to choose to be different...to not take the worlds path, or the ordinary path. We must choose to take the God path. To see with His eyes the needs of others, to feel with His heart, to reach out with His hands and feet. Whew...let the tears come! We're not hear for us. I'm not saying, "Look at us, we are doing something grand." Oh, no. We are scared, we talked about how easy it would be to take the selfish route, (we recognize that we are selfish many a time), and keep the money for "fun things" or "material things" or "security". How easy it would be to be selfish and say, we are to old, a different nationality child would never fit in here, this will wear us out, we don't want to be tired. And on and on. But, again, we realize that it's not about us. And our hearts are already prepared and longing because God gave us this awesome purpose :)!
What if we would have never prayed about putting in a pool, or buying a house? What if we would have just did what we wanted? That scares me so much.
As we filled out paperwork today and I asked Darren, "What do you really think?" I a little bit, (very little bit), was hoping he would say, "Let's not do this." My heart wants a child, wants to nurture...but, my worldly side says, "This is a forever sacrifice, this is scary, this will take work." I know that this journey is from my Lord...I know that He wants us to reach beyond ourselves and bring the mission field into our home...go, and bring back those that we can reach for Him. And anything He gives to accomplish is really not a sacrifice, and every great thing takes work! I'm sure we'll leave a bit of our hearts in Ethiopia and want to reach many more there for Him...I am willing. I am nervously excited! I am ready to give love and see the love returned from my children...ahhh, warm fuzzies just now.
I have to say, on a lighter note, that when I jokingly asked Darren if he had a criminal record, (paperwork asked)...and he said, "Yes." I thought he was kidding. He wasn't! In college he trespassed with some buddies and jumped a fence to swim after hours in a Springfield pool. They decided to press charges. He plead guilty and paid a fine. Oh, brother...lol! I told him that if this keeps us from being approved...won't we be shocked :) I think we'll be fine. But, there's a lesson...you never know what choices you make years back will show up later on ;)! When I called and asked the lady at the agency if we needed to list this...she laughed! She said, "Yes, list it...but, it was over 10 years ago and not a biggie, I think you'll be fine." And she was still chuckling...so, funny!
We're hoping to have our paperwork ready tomorrow. I need to call and ask a couple more questions. Once we turn in the paperwork we should know within 10 business days if we have been approved...yikes!!!! We really are excited. Anytime you do what God is calling you to do...it's the right thing...and it's good!
Dear Ethiopia...my heart is there already. I pray nightly for the mother of the child or children we will bring home. I pray that God would prepare her heart to give up her children...that He would protect her and keep her healthy and keep my child/children healthy. I pray that her heart would not be totally sad and broken. As an adoptie I always think of my birth mother and wonder what she feels. Is she sad? Is she in wonder? Only if she knew that I love her for not aborting me and giving me life. I would love to tell her that. So, I pray for this mom that will or has already carried my soon to be child/children. I pray for her heart, I pray for her salvation, I pray for her sadness...I pray...
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