Getting Ready to Go! What's Coming, What's to Be Expected?

Well we are getting ready to go to Ethiopia!  5 weeks from today we will be in the air and heading that way.  I will say that I am not looking forward to the flights!  Wow!  22+ hours each way.  My back always hurts after a couple of hours on a plane...so, this should be fun!

We will leave on the 17th of January and court will be on the 24th.  Darren will remain in Ethiopia with us until the evening of the 26th.  I will be sad to see him go.  It's just so very far away from us :(  Our plan after that?

We are so excited to be staying with the Fortner's!  They are BBFI Missionaries to Ethiopia.  We were so excited when the offered for us to stay with them.  We have been told that our Embassy date should be March 2...unless we have paper problems, don't pass court the 1st time or any other thing that can happen with the courts.  So, as of now we will be staying until March 5 and flying out that evening...myself and 4 kids! Yes, that freaks me out a bit!  We are thinking that Darren will fly to Frankfurt, Germany and meet us for the 2nd flight home and for customs.  I will need support at that point, I believe!

The end of February we will probably stay that last week with the Dyson's...also BBFI Missionaries to Ethiopia, (the Fortner's have a group from their church coming in that week).  We are just excited to get to know both the Fortner's and Dyson's, get to know the culture of our boys and serve on the mission field of where our boys were born! 

For the 1st couple of weeks after court we plan on having the boys remain in the Transition Home they are in now with our agency.  They are in great hands and are being well taken care of.  The reason for leaving them there?  As hard as it will be...we want "G" to have time to get to know us and for us to get to know him.  We just think going and visiting over those weeks will be so good for all of us.  We want him to build some trust with us before we take him to stay with us.  After that...we will see when...but, we will have the boys, if healthy, come and stay with us.  We want to make sure they are healthy so the Fortner's or the Dyson's little guys don't catch anything that could be hard to recover from.

So, we are packing for 2 months in Ethiopia.  We know we have to take enough clothes for the time there... and have enough while the others are drying on the line, etc.  It's a big undertaking packing for all of us & 2 boy's we've never met.  We do have adoptee friends there now who will be tracing our boy's feet so we can find out their shoe sizes.  We really want them to have comfy shoes when they come home.  The difference with making the normal 2 trips and only making 1 is these types of things.  Not seeing our boys for ourselves and "sizing" them up, etc.  It makes it a bit more difficult for sure.  Also...having to pack a lot more because of the stay and we're packing for 2 more and having to have bottles, diapers, etc.!

Once we are home:

I was reading another adoption mom's blog and I loved what she said...I'm gonna' use part of what she said and insert my own plans...but, I wanted to give her credit for her great words to the experience and what is to come once we are home!  I'll share that in just a second!

1st of all I want to say...I will post our return flights and I hope that all of you here in the Springfield area will come and greet the boys at the airport, (many have asked if we will post so they can come...and yes, we will)!  I think this will be awesome for them.  It's great for them to see just how loved and wanted they are!!!  What a great celebration!  Signs in Amharic, (researching can be fun), welcoming the boy's will be great!!!!  We will also be able to post the boy's names after court so you can put them on signs also!

What else...meals.  Some have asked about meals!  D. Parker used an online meal calendar when they brought Ronel home from Haiti.  I have told some that I think that will be the best for friends wanting to bring us meals for the 1st couple of weeks after we are home, (we will be cocooned in our home for several weeks...that is the info. I'm typing about next).  Meals will be awesome after jet lag and trying to help the boys adjust to the time difference and just our new norm...thanks for those who have asked!  Here's the sight: http://mealbaby.com/  If anyone wants to organize it and be in charge of setting it up...that would be great! Let me know and we can post that on my facebook page and tell others as the time gets closer (I think this will help since there are church friends, other friends, and co-op friends...it's a great way to plan with so many different friends who don't know each other).

Moving on:  Here's where part of my adoption friends blog will come in!

Our at home plans:

America is so rich compared to Ethiopia.  And yet in some ways Ethiopian mothers may know more about what babies need than we Americans do.  We in America focus so much on getting babies independent.  If an American mom carried a baby as much as Ethiopian moms do, people would probably tell her she was spoiling her child.  The pressure on American babies is always to grow up faster.
When groups of American mothers get chatting, talk can sometimes sound like a competition.  The faster a baby sleeps all night, loses the binky, gets rid of the bottle, walks alone, soothes himself to sleep, the more competent a mother is seen, (personally...I see a lot of it as selfishness...and wanting "me" time...so, the baby needs to do it for "me"...it's what "I" want, I have a life besides this baby).  The push is always towards independence and maturity.  I think this push is sad--it robs babies of the chance to simply be babies.  But especially it is sad for newly adopted infants and toddlers, because it is exactly the opposite of what a newly arrived adopted child really needs to become well attached.  It is a wise parent who resists the pressure, and simply allows the baby to be a baby.

Here are six simple things you can do every day to help your new child become well attached.

1.  CARRY your child on your hip or in a baby carrier as much as possible each day.
2.  ROCK your child several times a day, very close and cuddly.  A child newly home may resist at first.  You may have to rock facing outward for a few days.  But gradually work towards a face-to-face intimate cuddle.  And a bottle or two a day during rocking time is great, even for toddlers.
3.  FEED him at mealtime.  Even preschoolers can get little morsels from your hand every now and then during a meal.  In fact, in Ethiopia, feeding each other choice bites is something Ethiopian adults do quite often.
4.  SLEEP or nap with your child if you feel comfortable doing so.  Some parents bring a child into their bed.  Others lay a big mattress on the floor of the child's room and lie with the child to get him to sleep, then sneak off to their own bed once the child is asleep.
5.  PLAY on the floor with him.  Play this-little-piggie or peekaboo.  Roll a ball back and forth.  Play chase.  make dolls talk to each other.  Look at story books together.  Build block towers and laugh together when your baby knocks them down.
6.  LAUGH and be silly with your child every day!  Laughter has tremendous healing power.  Tickle him, dance with him, be goofy and have fun!


So here is the plan (much information for us has came from online courses we have been required to take, from adopting the older child books, and adoption books in general, along with suggestions from who we are working with and other adoption families):


1.  We'll be on lockdown for the first 2-3 weeks.  We won't be inviting people to come over to see the boy's (although we will be posting photos, etc. for you).  Even meals being dropped off will have to be a quick thing at the door...we will be so appreciative though!  Family visits will even be short...an introduction and then back to our immediate family.

2.  In an effort to maintain routines, we won't be as quick to answer the phone (or the door) for awhile.  Kinda' like my norm when homeschooling during the day...I try to stay off the phone! That's a good habit to break anyway!  We'll need to focus not only on the boys, but on our other kids as well.  

3.  We won't be going out much, especially to events with lots of poeple, noise and stimuli, for 2-3 months.  This means birthday parties, church, the mall and other functions, (it's gonna be so hard...but, it's needed).  It doesn't mean indoors all the time, but we have to pick and choose our outings carefully.  Again, predictability and comfort are important here.  We'll ease back into the craziness soon enough.

4.  We will need to be the only people holding Baby "D" for the first few months.  This might be the hardest one, as it's typically the most natural way to bring family and friends into the life of your child.  However, this is also one of the most critical aspects of bonding and attachment and it's important not to confuse that process.  Think about that our boys have had many care givers, they have felt abandoned and they don't know who is taking care of them and will they be there tomorrow?  They seek attention from whoever will give it to them and as of now will go to anyone who will show them affection. Because of this we want them to attach to us as their caregivers as their parents...and they have to know that "we are it". So, bear with us because they will have a lifetime of loving you.  We don't know how long this process will take...we may have to extend these times if we feel like we need more time for the bonding process.

5. "D" will be taking a bottle...so, "don't freak out" :) This will probably continue until he is 2.  Why? Malnutrition for one.  He needs the nutrients.  2nd, it's a GREAT time for us to bond with him.  He has to rely on us and spend that one on one time with us.  Yes, he is eating table food as well!   


6.  Another tidbit: They might be sleeping with us, or in the same room...who knows (it depends on what they need).  Our kids do that now...a lot less than they use to, (they seem to venture in...or dad is traveling and they want to slumber party, or they just want to camp out).  We will play it by ear.  I'm excited to bond and snuggle with our kids.  You know...we are one of the very few countries who have huge homes and many bedrooms.  I saw that in Norway...all of these wealthy families still have small apartments and little bitty bedrooms (or they all sleep in the living room together).  If you think back to bible times...I'm sure they didn't have 5 bedroom tents, lol...and for sure my grandparents didn't.  And they still managed to have multiple children without all the privacy, and had long, long marriages and were happy!  Imagine that!  If we were raised anywhere else in the world...there's a chance we would be sharing a small one room hut with our families...it's all good, it all works!!!


For some of you, these steps seem natural and understandable.  For others, it feels like you are being shut out from someone you have been supporting, praying for and looking forward to meeting.  Please trust us in this process and know that all of you are very important parts of the friends that love us and love our children. You are a huge part of our lives...so, please support us with prayer :)


Please pray for us.  This will all be new, beautiful, wonderful, but also inconvenient, awkward, difficult, and stressful too.  We have to remember however that it would be silly to bring them home and not work on the important parts of making us a family.  I know we would reap so many things later if we just "didn't do it".  I'd rather it be a bit tough now then really, really tough later on down the line.  It's so important to establish this family now...

We are so excited!  I'm a bit scared.  Our lives are about to change.  I'm about to become a mom of 4.  I will be boarding a plane with 3 sons and a daughter.  That's a bit wild, huh?!  We know that God has totally orchestrated this whole thing...and we know He will continue.  He had this planned way back before I was even knitted in my birth mother's womb. :)  He's got this...and I'm gonna' trust Him!