Sitting by the pool today, while Darren was in his conference, I feel overwhelmed...like my heart could burst. These last few days I have been in on and off tears. As I listened to "Blessed be the Name" coming from the library on Thursday morning with books about adoption in tow...I could hardly see to drive. There was a huge rainstorm...not outside the windows but, pouring out of me. I have a feeling that many more tears will come during this incredible journey.
I was just thinking while sitting here...if my sweet baby had not been taken away from me last year, would I be at this place today? As the song says...He gives and takes away. God has an ultimate plan for sure. I am at such a peace with His plan.
As I read the book, "Ashes to Africa" i am totally moved. I long to hold my baby/babies. I long...
Yesterday on the plane, Darren started reading an adoption book, "Adopted for Life". After the 1st couple of pages he quickly put the book down...I questioned...he looked at me in tears...he said, "Read this paragraph, I haven't even got through the 1st chapter..." I thought, "Wow, look what this journey is already doing to us, what it's stirring in the depths of our hearts." So, I took the book and read the paragraph...this is what it said:
"For a couple of seconds, my mind flashed back to the first time I ever saw these two boys. They were lying in excrement and vomit, covered in heat blisters and flies, in an orphanage somewhere in a little mining community in Russia. Maria and I had applied to adopt and had gone on the first of two trips, not knowing who, if anyone, we would find waiting for us. Immediately upon landing in the former Soviet Union, I wondered if we had made the worst mistake of our lives."
He wasn't in tears about the "making the worst mistake of our lives." It was the need, the fact that there are many who just need love and are living in these type of conditions.
Dear Ethiopia,
Our hearts grow deeper. Our desire increases. Our time talking doesn't go long with out mentioning our hopefully soon to be lives. It's not pushed, it's not difficult, it's not uncomfortable talk...it is passionate, it is heart to heart, it is pure...it is incredible. I have found over this weekend together...reading, studying, talking...our fears have decreased. There were some initially...but, Love Trumps!!!!
Do I have a child waiting for me in your country, in your land? I pray yes. I pray for a phone call soon. If I "thought" I was pregnant...I would have bought the 3 pack of preg. tests and already have went through them and went and bought another pack...that's how much this waiting is driving me crazy. What day will they call??? All in God's timing, right? Right.
Our hearts quite possibly may be leaning towards 1 or 2 baby boys. Why? Girls are in much higher demand for adoption, boys are not. We can picture it. But, we are prepared if God leads us in a different direction...we are open to hearing His voice.
Thank you Lord for this time alone today. I needed this time to hear you. I needed this time to just read and pray. This trip has been good for both of us.
He wasn't in tears about the "making the worst mistake of our lives." It was the need, the fact that there are many who just need love and are living in these type of conditions.
Dear Ethiopia,
Our hearts grow deeper. Our desire increases. Our time talking doesn't go long with out mentioning our hopefully soon to be lives. It's not pushed, it's not difficult, it's not uncomfortable talk...it is passionate, it is heart to heart, it is pure...it is incredible. I have found over this weekend together...reading, studying, talking...our fears have decreased. There were some initially...but, Love Trumps!!!!
Do I have a child waiting for me in your country, in your land? I pray yes. I pray for a phone call soon. If I "thought" I was pregnant...I would have bought the 3 pack of preg. tests and already have went through them and went and bought another pack...that's how much this waiting is driving me crazy. What day will they call??? All in God's timing, right? Right.
Our hearts quite possibly may be leaning towards 1 or 2 baby boys. Why? Girls are in much higher demand for adoption, boys are not. We can picture it. But, we are prepared if God leads us in a different direction...we are open to hearing His voice.
Thank you Lord for this time alone today. I needed this time to hear you. I needed this time to just read and pray. This trip has been good for both of us.
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